My mother was found dead her estranged husband cremated her and wants money or he'll ter her to the wind!

Perhaps you can get a lawyer and get custody of your mother's remains. Otherwise, and I hope this isn't insensitive, just grieve your mother and leave her ashes to the creep she lived the end of her life with. It's like she is abusing you/allowing you to be abused from beyond the grave, and you shouldn't allow that. Like you said, she was your one and only mother despite the terrible childhood you had because of her, so you should grieve for her death, that is natural. It's my personal belief that the dead body is just a shell, so I wouldn't put so much stock in her ashes. Her remains may be more meaningful to you because of your beliefs, and if so, get a lawyer. But based on my beliefs, what is important is the living, and you are being tortured by this man and that is not right.